Feastday of Saint Valerian

Today is the Feast of Valerian
Who lost his head as a contrarian
It might not be fair but
They gave him a haircut
And left him as lunch for the carrion.

Gun-totin' Palin

Oh Sarah the mayor of Wasilla
Is not just a Northern hillbilla
She's no namby-pamby
When she's hunting for Bambi
But rather much more like Godzilla.

Rah Rah Salome

I often think of the teenage Salome as a temptress at a pep rally:

Gimme a V, gimme an E, gimme an I and an L.
What does it spell? What does it spell?
VEIL! VEIL! VEIL!
Now take it off, take it off, take it off, Salomey!
We'll watch your cheer and that's no baloney!

Enda Glenda

Here's to the fabulous Glenda
Who had a clean face, clean mouth and pudenda
Although she was flirty
She feared her front dirty
So all that was left was her enda.
>

End of Primaries Limerick

Hillary's case for the delegates
Portrays her among the immaculates
Not tawdy and tacky
So cut her some slacky
And beef up her post-season tabulates.

Dark songs

Every Silver Ling Has a Cloud

When you're about to embark on a spree
When your troubles and ills you cannot see
When life is good as good can be
Take it from me:
Every silver lining has a cloud.

Just in case a stroke of fortune makes you proud
I'm happy for you and you're certainly allowed
To go off and celebrate your lucky break
But cross your fingers as you gobble up your steak:
Every silver lining has a cloud.

You should have asked for steak cooked well past rare
As Fortune's fickle and she's never on the square
She finds your celebration vain--it's folly
To think that you could leave without e-coli:
Every silver lining has a cloud.

Then when you think that you have found your fair one
The golden girl or boy who's sure to make your life fun
The one--your prince or princess regent
You're going to find your love is surely night's dark agent:
Every silver lining has a cloud.

So to mend your broken heart you book a cruise
A shipboard fling is just what you could use
And then when you meet the perfect fling
You find your fling is night's dark second string:
Every silver lining has a cloud

When you're about to embark on a spree
When your troubles and ills you cannot see
When life is good as good can be
Take it from me:
Every silver lining has a cloud.





For Bill O'Reilly


Dear let's falafel
It's not so awful
Let's falafel
It's all the rage.

O love, let's loofah
I want to smooch ya
I said let's loofah
And love we'll wage.

My dear let's falafel
You'll take a mouthful
I like your craw full
For days and days.

You see this loofah
It'll hoochy cooch ya
You can use this loofah
In lots of ways.

Let's put my loofah
In your falafel
It's sure to move ya
To the next phase.

Dear let's falafel
It's far from awful
Let's falafel
It's all the rage.

St. George and the Church

Saint of the Day lists today - 23 April - as Saint George's day, then goes on to explain that he has been the object of overhype, as it were. So

Saint George ain't official Church dogma
But quaint theological fog, Pa
Did he slay a green dragon?
Pull Christ in a wagon?
Maybe not but he's not to be mockeda.